Quote

'life is to be lived'
'life is to be enjoyed'
'life is to be worked'
'life is to be suffered'

The Angony and the Ecstasy.

I'm doing more of the last two than the first two lately but they are all true.

The Moon over Utah lake

One good thing about being out in Saratoga Springs is watching the moon rise over Timpanogos every night. I need a better camera to get a good picture but here is one from tonight.

Flu shots everywhere?

I just saw a news cast on MSNBC about flu shot booths now in airports. It seems that no matter where you go, flying, shopping, anywhere, you can get a flu shot. How do we know that they are being regulated and using sterile supplies and even giving a flu vaccination and not purified water?

So here's my question.
Who is getting flu shots and where are you getting them?

I'm getting one next week for the first time in a few years and it's being offered by my employer right in our employee break room.

Whats wrong with the world?

What have I done for you,
That makes you want me?
What have I taught you to be?

Look at the TV.
What's it want me to be?
How do we live today?
What can we say?

Oh its the world we live in
The one we've saved
How do our children live?
What can they say?

One kills another.
Who's to blame?
One points the finger and we
All turn in shame.

Leave our children alone.
Parents be parents.

No one else will teach them

What has it done for you,
That makes you want it?
What has it taught you to be?

Look at the TV.
That's what it wants you to be.
How do we live today?
Can you see?



Wrote this when I was 19 or 20. Don't remember exactly when but it was on my mind tonight so I thought I'd share.

Iconography.

Bonneville Shoreline Trail

Decided to go out hiking today. was going to head up the trail to Lone Peak but once I got to the trailhead I decided that I would hit the bonneville shoreline trail. A couple hours of hiking does a body good.

main reason for me to move

It's just after one in the morning. I'm laying in bed reading a good book, should be sleeping I know but those who know me know I don't sleep that much. So I'm reading my book when I hear a loud crash. Thinking someone may be hurt I rush out the door to see what happened and find a car has been crashed through one of the supports for the covered parking, hit one another car and pushed that car in to the truck next to it. I'm the first one out there and I run around to the drivers side to find the drivers door open and the car empty. Seems our driver wasn't the owner and took off running as soon as he ruined his getaway vehicle. No one who came after me had their cell phones so I ran back in to call 911. After talking with dispatch I chatted with my neighbors about the accident for a while. They all left after it seemed nothing more interesting was going to happen. Dispatch had asked me to stay to talk to the officer who would show up so I stood there watching the steam from the broken engine, waiting for them to show up. Turns out he stole the car from someone in the apartment complex, even had their keys, and who knows why he crashed. So now it's two in the morning and I'm still awake, writing this blog and wondering if the cops who are still in the parking lot are going to come knock on my door to ask more questions. I hope not. I'm tired now and wouldn't mind getting some sleep.

I was right

Since I moved into the apartment I live in now my fridge has made random and annoying noises. Repeatedly I asked to have it checked out or replaced but was told that as it was still working and the maintenance guys never heard it do its thing that it was fine. It was even referred to as one of the new ones in the complex.

The maintenance guys just finished pulling out the old new one and brought in a new new one. I was right. :)

school aid online enrollment

this crap is complicated. I think I'm about to give up and just go in and talk to a counselor. Online they seem to expect you to know what everything is called and what you need and by the time you're half way through it you see that it's not the right form. So I'm just going into the school. easier that way.

Saints?

This is just a thing I've been thinking about lately. One that I am surprised and disappointed that I've never thought about before. It was actually my phones auto spelling that started me thinking. Whenever I type paint it brings up saint first.

It's all in the name. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Saints. That sounds to me like all members are saints. I'm sad to say that, looking back I was not living up to that name. I was not a saint. I never had that thought in my mind. I was selfish, not saint like. Suddenly having this thought made me look back through the time I was active as a member and the time I've spent since. It's been a hard time looking back at my life and seeing the things I've done wrong.

In the Dictionary the fist definition for Saint is, 'A holy person.' Not me. The second 'A person who is exceptionally charitable, patient, etc.' Again, not me. I have thought that I was a good person. I helped others when I could and thought myself to be compassionate. Yet looking back I can see so many times I could have been more. Knew that I could have done better with out having to put myself out at all. Simple small things like calling a friend I knew was having a hard time with something. And I didn't call. I didn't show my concern. I assumed they would be fine with out me putting my two cents in. I know that I am like that. I prefer to suffer in silence a lot but I also know that most of the people I am close to don't live like that. Only I am a hermit. I know many other examples that I choose not to put here.

So my final thought was only this. How many times in my life have I tried to act like a saint?... None. Why?... Never thought about it. I think I will from now on.

Side note. I haven't been an active member of the church for ten years now. Sadly I think I've spent more time thinking about how a member should act since I stopped going. Many times in a slightly malicious way. For that I am sorry. I've also spent a lot of times thinking about it with myself in mind and how I could be better. Faith has always been a hard thing for me and I know that it played a major roll in my decision to move away from the church. But another roll was played by my inability to separate the church from its members and judge the church harshly for what a member did or said, or didn't do. For that I must also be sorry. I judged when it wasn't my place. Perfection is not in any I know and especially in myself and I should have been more understanding. But I do still believe that those who put the name of 'Saints' on themselves should have an understanding of what that means and chose if they want to be a saint. I didn't and I think I've come to regret that.

Diving Bloopers

Tim had this on his blog. I thought I'd spread it too. :)

Mans search for something more

I am currently watching a TV show about Ancient Aliens on the History channel. It portrays the pyramids of Egypt and the Mayans and others as being built by aliens. Even showing glyphs with a twist to show a man flying or rocketing into space.

There are mysteries in ancient history and I am very interested in them but I find theories of aliens to be flat and unimaginative, lacking the depth that a real history would have that would lend credulity to its fact. I find I must believe that there was something more to the pyramids being constructed and their layout/placement all over the world or why the Mayans felt they needed a calender more precise than the one we use today; and I find I understand the need to find any and all reasons to explain these things that we do not understand. Man needs to understand. We all have the desire to see things that puzzle us explained and shown to us in a manner we can understand.

Yet I also feel that this desire is a quest for us all. The equally ancient question calls to us all, 'Why are we here?' What is mans purpose and what happens when we die? If you have never asked yourself this question, you are not alive. Most find their answer in faith. Some find it in science. Others find theirs in the unknown and theories as to what could answer the unknown. In all ways, we search for something that is more powerful than ourselves and more knowing, even all-knowing and that this something will grace us with the knowledge they possess. For myself, I find that the question in more important to us than the means we use to search for them, although I do believe that searching for these answers through science or science fiction is the wrong direction. I find amazing things in science and in stories of aliens, space travel, and all the other theories that abound, yet it falls short in bringing meaning more than just knowledge of natural order and a way to expand my imagination or open my mind to different possibilities. The only place to ask what the meaning of life is, in my way of thinking/feeling, is through faith.

I hear these theories that some people use to say that aliens have been here on our planet and other planets in our solar system and I find it hard to believe, impossible for me to believe in fact. Many who know me personally might find it surprising to hear me say that I find all these impossibilities explainable only by the existence of God and his presence among us in those times. I find it much easier to believe that in a time that most religions say was a time of miracles, that God was able to show many people in many ways the intricate workings of his creations and that understanding of them was far greater then than now where we question everything put in front of us with unrelenting scepticism and have forgotten the easy faith a child has in a loving father and mother.

I believe firmly in a need for science and imagination to take us in new directions and discoveries... But we cannot forget the faith of youth. through out time we are asked by religious leaders to have faith, to keep faith, to believe that there is something more that, on our own, we cannot understand. With all these theories out there is it so hard that the answer could be something we are told every time we attend church? To have faith.

I just like this picture

Jordan River Trail

This was the first time I had walked the Jordan River Trail. Access is pretty close to my house and I don't really know why I haven't done it before. This morning I decided that I would get some exercise and check it out.

This time of the year isn't the best for the plant life and I've found that I like the river trails the best during the fall when fallen leaves cover the trail and all the trees have so much color.

There has been a lot of construction around the trail near my place and this small artificial damn is part of it. It looks like there will be apartments built next to the river here and if they put one of these in it gives the river more depth above it and a taste of rapids below, but I wonder what it's impact on the river life will be.

Now this picture below makes me wonder... A lot.

This is a pipe that comes out of the ground and has quite a bit of water coming out of it and next to it is this sign that says "Warning; Reclaimed Sewage Water, Do not drink"(picture below) I know that there has to be many regulations to govern what can be let out into the river but I would have loved it if they could have put another sign up. One that explained what was done to the water to make it safe to pumped into the river and assurance that it wasn't going to add the the pollution already in the river.

Before I complain about large rusted pieces of metal with sharp edges sitting on the ground right next to the trail I do have to say that I was pleasantly surprised that there was not more litter on the section of trail I walked. First I walked down 70th south and noticed the ground was almost covered in places with trash. This did not give me much hope that the trail would be clean, yet I found the trail to have trash cans every hundred yards or so and people were using them. Although there were a couple of spots that defied the norm had a bit of trash scattered about.

Above is a picture of another spot where water from somewhere else was being drained into the river. Unlike the reclaimed sewage, this one did not have a sign saying what it was but this spot seemed to have the most trash and I was surprised to see a child's sandal included in the mix. I'm not a big environmentalist but I do believe we need to keep ourselves and our world clean. This type of stuff disgusts me.

But I do recommend walking the river trails. They tend to be a nice sanctuary from the daily grind and sometimes you get to see some amazing wildlife.

In Thought

In thought, in dreams, in wandering wonder do I travel.

It is a place of no man and no creature yet many do here abide.

In purgatory’s grasp I lay, surrounded by the echoes of eternity.

Questions I ask of the void around me never expecting an answer.

In constant questing of truth, virtue, love, and happiness I am.

Love is a light in darkness that shows the darkness its’ failings.

Darkness is a dream that has no end yet never begins.

Perception is skewed to the side of reality in our hands.

Illusion trusts the view to hide inherent evil.

The great eye is looking at you, watching you.

It is the Sun that so beats down to lift and burn.

Failed yet forgiven, it asks, nay, begs for confusion.

Privileged to be so blessed in the curse of life and death are we.In hand and mind, thoughts and dreams, wondering once again, do I travel

More randomness

This is just me pouring out my thoughts at the moment.

I have spent much more than my share of time in my life listening to music. My tastes in music were much influenced by my family and schooling. From my mother and choir classes in school I received a great love for classical and choral music. From one of my sisters Toad the Wet Sprocket, Oingo Boingo, and other strange artists. From my one and only brother.... Metallica... And on a separate note(this being a night of randomness) I also got a No Fear t-shirt from my brother although I do think I acquired it when he left on his mission and by the time he had returned the t-shirt had been on a few too many camping trips and was in really bad shape which I think, if I brought it up to him, would still irk him a bit. :) From another sister, the angst of the nineties music scene where it seemed all artists were trying to vie for the spot of most pathetic.

With all the music I've listened to and in some cases, performed, you would think(or at least I think so I assume everyone else would) that I would have some understanding of why music in all its forms can affect each and every one of us. I don't. Right now I'm listening to a mix of music that I made for the times when I'm playing an online game with my friends. It's all semi-angry, very energetic music and for some reason I get more into the game when I listen to it than when I don't. In some respects I think it is the beat of music that gives us added benefit of some structure in a mostly unstructured life. For example when performing a task that already has a rhythm to it, like shoveling snow, music seems to add to the rhythm of task and make it go by faster and with something that has no beat to it like an online shooter game where anything can happen at any time, listening to music gives that structure to at least one of your senses and, I think, influences the others for the better.

But that is just the beat of music. I have no thoughts at the moment of why pitch and tone and all the other elements of music do what they do to us. I guess I'll have to think about it and get back to you.

Random thought on an ancient tale

So we have all heard the tale of Icarus and his father Daedalus who made wax wings and flew and during the ill fated flight Icarus got too close to the sun and melted his wings to fall to his death. This story has always seemed a little off to me and its recent mention in one of the books I have been reading made me think of it again.

Do you really think that the people in ancient history didn't notice that when they climbed the mountain passes and hills around where ever they may have lived that it got colder the higher they went? I know that there have been many strange beliefs through out the history of man, from the world being flat to some woman sitting with a crystal ball can tell you your future, but this one strikes me as a little too stupid. Though I can believe that with it just being a story in the massive legends of the Greek gods and all of the impossible powers and deeds that they embodied. I just think that many of the other tales had some basis in truth however obscure and this one which is also told to be that Icarus fell out of a ship that Daedalus built is strange. And if the truth is that it's based off of someone falling overboard, why was is changed to flying with wax wings?

Thats it for this random thought.

Dolphins in Japan

I'm not really one to spread any of the chain mail crap or those 'send it to ten people and they send it to ten people' emails but as Jacalyn was telling me about this documentary from this years Sundance Film Fest I thought I'd put this on my blog just to help spread the word.

http://www.savejapandolphins.org/

There is a cove in Japan where thousands of dolphins are slaughtered every year. slaughtered for no real apparent reason. The meat is unhealthy to eat and some claim it is pest control because the dolphins eat too many of the fish that would otherwise make it to human stomach instead. Japans government knows about this yet chooses to do nothing.

I'm not putting this on my blog to get anyone to volunteer or pay money or because I'm choosing it as my charity. I believe that there is too much wrong in our own country for us to be focusing on others as well. I just believe that all of us citizens of the world should be aware of the things that others are doing, even right under our collective noses(People on the streets in japan don't even know of the slaughter of the dolphins just miles from their homes). I would like to think that anyone I know would act to stop any atrocity if they had the power to do it and sometimes we don't know we have that power. Just sharing the information with others can go a long way and may even put the information into the hands of someone who can and will act to stop those who would do such foolish and stupid things.

And I will now step off my soap box... at least until I have other things I feel I need to say.

War Journal

March 16th 1056 AF(After Fall of earth)

Sergeant Topoe,

The War started today. I was in my barracks with my squad, in the 123rd regiment, Pacific Battalion on Star Cruiser Libertad. We all know that the Miners are responsible for Earth falling apart but it’s hard to believe that even now that we have over a hundred worlds to live on people can’t find a place to live where they don’t have to fight. At least to the point where wars like this one won’t happen. We were deployed to Ios IV last month to put down a small insurrection by some religious fanatics that believed human kind was supposed to have disappeared with Earth and were trying to take over a star port to get back to Earth. I don’t know what they really wanted, getting back to Earth and all. I’m sure they know that with Earths collapse and then Mars there was no place in the system to set up even a small colony. Maybe they were going to die like they believed we all should have? I don’t know.

We’re not being told what sparked this new conflict. Our Captain told us he believes it was started with a discovery on some forgotten planet in Legacy System but can’t confirm for himself or us if that’s true. It seems to me that it’s at least part of the truth. We were ordered to stay on the Libertad until further notice and we all felt the Libertad jump to hyperspace just after we received our orders. I’ll never get used to the feeling of the Jump. It’s like a sudden feeling of standing next to yourself, watching your body have a brief hard time keeping balance. But that doesn’t matter. Everyone in the universe knows what a Jump feels like.

I guess I’ll have to be honest with myself with this journal. I’ve never kept one before and I don’t really know why I’m starting now. They told us in training that we should keep one just because it can help with keeping track of details and make debriefings easier. Also I had one Drill Sergeant who told me that it helps keep you sane to write down all the shit you see and get it out of your head. I think I can believe that now that I’ve had some experience with war. At this moment I am twenty-two years old. I joined the Marines when I was nineteen and was promoted to Sergeant just two weeks ago. I am an only son of Janet and Derrish Topoe and was born on January 6th 1034 AF. I was told by the same Drill Sergeant I mentioned earlier that I shouldn’t put too much personal information in my journal, that it could be found and used against me, so the only additional piece of my past I’ll put here is that my parents home planet doesn’t follow the old Earth Standard Calendar anymore. I don’t think any planets do now. They just keep an eye on it because it is what The United Congress uses for its military. I think that’s vague enough to keep my Sergeant happy. I think that’s it for now. We’re being told to go in to hiber’ (hibernation) for the rest of the jump. It’s only a three day jump from where we are but the Captain doesn’t want us getting edgy or asking too many questions I think.

March 19th 1056 AF

We came out of hiber’ six hours ago and with a quick meal in the stomach and a chance to shower off the layer of grim that forms on a body in hiber’ we headed for our briefing. I’m not too fond of the feeling of lost time and displacement that comes from hiber’ but a three day stint isn’t too bad. My trip from training to Pacific Battalion was six months and that left me a little messed up for a few days. This one will only take another hour or so to get rid of.

It looks like the Captain was right. Briefing let us know that we had just entered the Legacy System and we’re on our way to the fourth planet that they keep calling Legacy IV. I wonder why they stopped giving names to planets, just naming the system followed by what number that planet is from the Sun? Probably because there are more than a thousand planets now that are colonized. I couldn’t come up with that many names if I was given the rest of my life, but back to the subject. We will be the first ship in system by four to five hours and our task for the moment is to check the system for any Miner presence then us Marines will land on Legacy IV and see what there is to see. Private Choi says that the system was named after some lost colony ship from Earth days that was sent to this System and that we’re headed to find the remains of their ship. Choi likes history a lot so I’m not surprised he knows this without having to check the data banks. Still, I think that if it’s true and we are heading to dig up some colony remains from over a thousand years ago there’s probably something that’s supposed to be on that ship, something Congress doesn’t want the Miners to have. Guess we’ll find out when we get our pre-mission briefing. Briefing, briefing, briefing. I think they would start briefing us on how to use the head if we didn’t already show that ability back in training.

I now have exactly thirteen minutes before gear up and drop. Pre-mission briefing wasn’t very informative and we found no trace of Miners in the System but they’re taking no risks. I’m guessing they left drones out all over the System to constantly check for any ships coming into the System. The next Congress ships should be in system within the hour and have additional marines on ground with us in eight. They’re setting us down just east of a small plateau next to the tallest mountains I’ll probably ever see. Captain told us the mountain range that almost circles the planets equator has peaks high enough to be right at the top of the planet’s atmosphere and are hit with meteors regularly. We are going in hot even though they say there’s nothing living down there but I feel better about being on any surface with the full gear of a Marine Recon unit. Choi, again, tells us that the training and weapons we have enable one Marine Recon unit to be able to completely isolate and subdue even a major city. I can almost believe that except that we don’t ever fight entire cities and the Miners version of a Marine Recon is almost an exact clone of us.

March 20th 1056 AF

Well its evening now and we’ve been on the surface of Legacy IV for just over twenty-four hours. Just before we launched from the Libertad Chio looked up the planets revolutions and orbit. He found something very surprising, Legacy IV is only three hundredths of a second slower than Earth’s revolution was. If he’s right then this Planet is the closet to earth norm of any anyone has found. I’m getting ahead of myself. I’m going to try and put down all that happened in the last day. I’m sure anyone who reads this in the future, maybe my future kids, will be bored by my lack of any action so far. Maybe if I get another leave soon I’ll sit down and write of my experience in Ios System.

Our Squad was the only one sent down so it’s just the nine of us. We loaded into our Lander full of adrenaline and excited for something other than the inside of the Cruiser. The drop was normal. The few minutes of weightlessness followed by a few minutes of terror of entry in to the upper atmosphere, you’d think all those scientists working on flight for so long would have figured out a way to enter atmosphere without all the bumping around and loud roar, then the smooth flight down to the surface. Our pilot, Lieutenant Delie, talked the whole way down like we were having a conversation in some café somewhere. I think I’ve heard of her before. I can only vaguely remember what I heard but I think she’s the most decorated pilot in the fleet. I wonder why she got put on our Cruiser. We always get the most dangerous missions and I’d have thought Fleet Command would want her safe. They’re always telling us about heroes of the fleet and I’m sure Delie is on that list somewhere if it’s her I’m thinking of. Whatever. We probably won’t see her again. By the time the rest of the fleet arrives and we get off this rock they’ll have the big Carriers with S-Landers that can take two hundred soldiers and all their gear off the surface. The normal Landers are only used for insertions into hostile locations, which makes me wonder why they made us land and start the search for whatever it is we’re looking for before the rest of the fleet arrives. If there’s no Miner’s in system why the rush, unless they know the Miner’s are coming.

After we landed Sergeant Hille and I organized the unloading of our gear which really isn’t much, took less than five minutes, and moved the Squad away from the Lander so Delie could return to the Cruiser. She said something about doing a quick run around the area to get a scan of the surface for Command so she’ll probably be in range for the next couple of hours if we run into anything that requires an evac. After that, we’re on our own until the rest of the Marines get here. We quickly set up a camp in a shallow valley next to our drop point and right in front of the cave we’re supposed to be scouting. Hille and I decided to get a feel for the area around us before we entered the cave and sent out two sets of two to cover the area around us and get a mental feel for the land to share with the rest of us when they returned. We sent a sniper with both teams, our Squad being lucky that we had three snipers, the two designated snipers out scouting still and me. I passed all the tests for snipers just before I was sent to this unit and have the ability with my Level 3 rating to sense any sentient life within the range of my Long-Rifle, just under eight miles. It’s an amazing weapon. With the scouts out and the rest of us dug in, getting our camp defendable and as comfortable as possible. Now we just sit and wait for the scouts to get back, share what they found, then head down the cave in the morning.

March 21st 1056 AF

It’s four thirty in the morning, and we heard from Delie just over an hour ago. Bad news. Delie had at least a level 7 telepath reach her from the cruiser telling her to get out of atmosphere and make a run for the rest of the Fleets command Carrier. A Miner fleet came in system just before Congress’ fleet and was going to beat our fleet to the planet. She didn’t know what held up our fleet getting to the system as they were over a day late. The Libertad is going to try and stall the Miners with their forty fighters and the laser-burst missile banks that covered the cruiser. Delie had serious doubts about the Libertad slowing the Miners down at all but was booking it off planet with only a quick fly by to let us know what was happening. I think I would have rather not known. Now the whole squad is up, looking at the sky, watching for any signs of the battle in space. We all knew that the Libertad wouldn’t last long against the whole Miner fleet.

The Wandering

This is the beginnning of one of the stories I am writing. It's actually a side story to one of the stories I'm writing but that doesn't matter to anyone who reads this. It's just the beginning of a story with more to come as I write it.

There in the end I wondered much of what had befallen me, how I had turned from the gods of my youth and how I had turned even from the wise counsels of my elders. I had, as many are wont to say, willingly become the black sheep of my community. Where all men went to the temple of Treios to say the long prayers of successful campaigns, beautiful women, and a bountiful harvest, I went to the hills above my small village to hunt what game I could find. When the young women of the village came out on solstice night to dance the courting dances taught for as long as anyone could remember and the young men stood in circle around them in the finest clothes they owned hoping to catch the eye of their favorites, I lounged in a dark corner with only a small lamp to illuminate whatever book I could procure to keep myself occupied while the continuing tale of my village repeated what our parents had done and their parents had before them done. The only thing that that was expected of a young man in my village that I willingly participated in, excelled in even, was the training for war.

War was ever known to us, being in the land of Tre who was in perpetual disagreement with its neighbor to the northwest, Celidon. The histories are convoluted beyond comprehension but it all boils down to a simple fact; we of Tre held that the god Treios was the greatest and most powerful of the gods while the people of Celidon held the same thought of the god, Idonsol. I think that both are fools. Who are mortals to judge one god above another when as far as I knew no mortal eye had beheld even a glimpse of any of the hundred gods. We were all just token pieces in the games the kings and their counselors played in my opinion… But I think that is exactly the reason I was chosen to become, not a main player, never that I think, but a token player set in the middle to be crushed by the main pieces. I’m not sure but I think that I chose break the rules on occasion to keep myself whole, to keep myself from becoming the chaff to be left in the fields to rot after all the wheat had been harvested.

My tale begins when Trinoi, the high priest to the king, came through our village and asked, no commanded that all young men who had trained with the arms master for five years or longer to accompany him to the capitol to become a part of the king’s armies and continue the war. There were only seventeen such young men in my village and with the king’s standard of a twenty man squad we would be separated into other squads who had lost men in the fighting instead of the usual practice of making squads of the men from a single village with the belief that men who knew each other would fight better and harder to keep their companions alive if they had known them for many years. The high priest was angry with the village for its lack of young men and claimed that those of the village had been lax in their duties to the gods, and foremost Treios and would suffer many afflictions which the priest said was due to the village for its lack of providing the kingdom with the men it needs to keep safe and continue in prosperity.

The villagers cried out their protests to the high priests words and said that they had been devout in the services to the gods and the only one among them who should be punished for failing the gods was a young man who would be among the new recruits. The villagers were quick to state the many failings of this young man who would not participate in the prayers or offer sacrifice, and in the villagers eyes the worst this young man had done was to be over the marriageable age and continue to live alone giving no offspring to continue the village in future days. Needless to say I was dismayed that I was, in my mind alone, betrayed so quickly.
The high priest turned from the gathered villagers’ red of face with his holy anger at one who would scorn the gods so and called out to his personal guards to bring the accused to stand before the high priest in shame and suffer the just punishment to be carried out. Two guards of high priest Trinoi’s personal security force detached from the disciplined ranks standing behind the priest and made their way to the gathered young men waiting to make their names in the king’s armies and asked which of us was the young man in question. I should note at this time that when one was the subject of known or supposed disfavor of the gods that person’s name would not be said aloud or referenced in any way. I’m not sure when this practice came about but it was strongly held on to for fear that speaking that person’s name would bring the disfavor of the gods on to the speaker as well as that person. So having all this talk about me with my name never being said, secretly I harbored a hope that the other young men would keep their silence and the rest of the villagers would decline to point me out because of a fear of being associated with me thus letting me leave with the others and find an escape from the high priest’s wrath some ways along the road to the capitol.

My hope was in vain as I knew it would be. The other young men, as soon as asked my identity, stepped away from me, leaving me in an open space almost right at the center of the group standing alone. I was proud that I didn’t show my fear and that I stood erect and proud as though it was a privilege to singled out so. Inside I felt as though everything I had eaten in the last twenty two years of my life would come up my throat if I relaxed my stomach muscles even a fraction. That moment of standing alone with all in the village looking at me as if I were the God of Rot there in their midst filling the air with my stench, was the only time I could remember in my life wishing that my parents had still been alive and would step forward to defend me.

It was a vain wish. My father had died fighting for the king before he could even learn of my mother’s pregnancy and my mother had passed on after only being able to hold her newborn son for but a moment, given only enough time to utter a name. The name of my father she spoke and the midwives took that utterance as a sign that she wished her son to carry the same as the father. My name was Mykeil and having no living relatives I claimed no last name though when the villagers would speak my name it was usually to call me Mykeil Wanders and for some strange reason when I signed the rolls of the arms master, that was what I signed. Mykeil Wanders. Not for the first time I think what a stupid name.

I was placed before the high priest with his two guards in full battle gear, covered head to foot in shinning plate steel with the storm cloud and lightning bolt of Treios embossed on the their breastplates, standing just to side and a step behind me. I assume to keep me from attempting to run but I held no faith in my ability to get away with the whole of the high priests contingent watching me and the villagers surrounding us waiting to see what my fate would be. I felt almost certain looking at Trinoi’s angry and slightly overweight face that I would become the village’s first human sacrifice to Treios in over a hundred years. I didn’t a long wait.

High priest Trinoi started out extolling all within hearing to hold to the faith of our mighty country and give Treios, the High God of the Rain all the respect and honor in our power to grant even unto giving our last coin to the betterment of our small and humble temple devoted to the powerful god. Trinoi called out that those like this young man who stood before him were the servants of Sloug, the God of Apathy, and if left unchecked could destroy a village such as theirs with unseen influence and causing said village to become nothing more than a house of sloth to be cut from the land as an infected growth should be cut from a body lest the body become infected as well. Then the high priest did something that surprised me as well as the villagers. He called out to the gathered villagers, asking what they thought should be done with this infected growth standing before him under the guise of a man. I was a bit offended at being called an infected growth but wasn’t in a position to argue my difference of opinion at that particular moment.

The villagers were quick to suggest what I had feared and offered to have me burned upon the alter to Treios standing just a stone’s throw from where this gathering was taking place and some of the village men even took it upon themselves to begin gathering the wood for the fire from the pile of split logs next to the temple for the many sheep and cow offerings that took place every month. Trinoi listened as the villagers took hold of each idea and shouted them, each hoping to be the one who chose the solution that they believed the high priest already had in mind, that his asking of the village was just a test to see if they were in the gods good graces enough to be granted knowledge of what the god, Treios willed be done.

After a long minute or two of this massive unorganized brain storming Trinoi raised his hands, beckoning silence of the throng and smiling, giving the impression that he was glad of the many options the villagers had offered. The silence was kept for only a second yet it felt an eternity for me standing on legs made weak by the prospect of burning at the wish of those I spent my childhood with. As Trinoi looked around with pleasure at the village’s bloodlust for one proclaimed to be a servant of Apathy, his gaze soon settled on me and the pleased smile became something much more sinister, something that, to me, spoke volumes of evil, intent on my destruction. Trinoi spoke then and proclaimed that one such as me could not go to sacrifice without being tested first and tortured second, to show my true mettle and to also show that they had done what a mortal could to prove that I deserved my burning fate.

And how would I be tested, I thought. I wish I hadn’t had that thought. Too many gristly stories popped to mind of what the many possibilities could be and none of those possibilities were something that held any good for me. Trinoi kept me waiting a minute before stating that the best way to test my mettle first was a test of arms. I would spar the high priest’s best soldier and if I proved myself able to hold my own against this battle tested warrior I would be deemed not so deep in Apathies grasp and torture would not be needed, just my burning body on the Alter. If I was unable to hold the soldier back from beating me senseless then that same soldier would carry out my torture right then and there, pulling out his knife and cutting the skin from my arms and legs, being careful not to cut any veins so that I would still be alive for the burning for to offer a dead sacrifice of this kind, meaning human, would be to ask the gods wrath to come down on all there.

This was my chance. I was the best in the village with a sword and our arms master had often said that I was better than any he had seen even in his twenty years of war for our king. I didn’t believe I would be able to defeat a war tested soldier who, when he stepped forward, looked to be seven feet tall yet moved with an easy grace that spoke of his skill as a mountain cats long contoured body spoke of the strength to take down the largest prey in the forest with ease. At this point I have to admit that doubt clouded my mind as we were given room to spar with all watching stepping back to give us room to maneuver and I was handed a practice sword by our arms master who wouldn’t look me in the eye even as he let go of the dulled sword and walked away. Giving me more doubt to my already clouded mind the beast of a soldier unsheathed his long sword hanging at his hip and made ready to begin.

It was a farce! I was indignant at the total lack of justice. I was to fight this huge man who was holding a long sword which I knew to be razor sharp and guided by an experienced hand and me with a practice sword that was made slightly heavier than a long sword and with a blunt rounded edge. If I didn’t think of a way to prove myself worthy quickly my strength would run out and I would have my skin cut off and my body burned in offering to a god I wasn’t sure existed. Today was a bad day.

High Priest Trinoi called out for his soldier to begin and the giant moved forward with a speed his grace had hinted at but was still surprising. I was able to block his first swing, but only just as he pulled back and came again. It continued that way for hours it seemed. The soldier giving powerful blow after powerful blow to my blunted sword, me being able to parry the man’s thrusts but unable to find an opening to attack.

It was just as I felt myself beginning to lose strength that I noticed this giant before me had a weakness. His strength and skill with the blade were the greatest I’d seen but he rarely if ever moved his feet except to step forward towards me as he beat me back. He never stepped to the side, even when one of his swings and knocked me off balance and I stepped to the side, this war trained man would just turn in place to face me once again. It was a fault that I was astonished to see in high priests guard. It was a fatal flaw to any who would duel against an experienced opponent. I wasted no time taking advantage. I stepped to the side on his very next attack. When his sword passed through the space I had just vacated I brought my dull sword down on his outstretched arm with all the force I could pull behind it. It landed on the wrist of the large man with a crack I was sure could be heard by all present. His sword fell to the ground as his hand lost its strength to the broken bones although to his credit the giant didn’t cry out in pain. I know I would have. A wrist injury could end a soldier’s career if it didn’t heal right and the strength never returned.

As the villagers cried out at my victory and Trinoi cursed I took advantage as everyone focused on the injured and ran toward the closed homes with a small alley in between and with the rest of the guard hard on my heals I ran as though my life depended on it, mostly because it did.

I don't know when I'll get more on here but more will come. I promise.

My thoughts this morning

Today we saw our new President sworn in to office. A historical event that he is of mixed heritage being of one parent who is black and one who is white, a first for our country and it should be a proud first but...

It makes me ask a question to myself. Do I care about race and am I racist in some way in the fact that it bothers me that a man who is half white and half another race will always be considered to be of the other race? Please don't get me wrong and think that I want those of mixed race to claim white if that is one of them. I don't think that at all. What I wonder is why we continue to place such importance on race at all? I don't believe that any race of man is better than any other in any way.

All races have atrocities in their past and even atrocities in current times being carried out by evil men all over the world. No man is above the lowest acts that humankind can commit and no man is below the greatest acts that humankind can commit. We are all equal in our ability to choose bad or good but in today's society we are still judged on where we grew up, what color our parents were, and what people of the race of our birth did in the past and even that is seen through the faded lenses of public education and through the voices who could cry the loudest and speak the most influentially. Each and every person on the planet has done good things and bad things. The balance of good and bad in a persons life and their abilities should be what is seen by others and no one can know the quality of another with out knowing that person.

I hope, for myself, that I have been able to judge the people in my life by who they are and not where their ancestry resides and if ever I am judged by others I would hope that it is by my actions and my life, not by the simple fact that my skin is lighter or darker than theirs.